Dear Bartender and Priestess,
My boyfriend, “Bob”, and I, are in a committed relationship. We’ve been together for the past nine months, living together for six. Yes, we moved fast. For the most part we are Continue reading
Dear Bartender & Priestess,
I’m a 20-something woman with a lot of interests. I hike, I’ve got some art projects going on, and I’m happy in my chosen career. When I look at myself on paper, I know I look good. So why do I believe that no man will love me Continue reading
The picture said too much. Fear. Dissatisfaction.
The words said more. No one who’s different. Not in my backyard.
We’re better than this. I don’t really know that I’ve got much more to say than that. We’re better than this and there are ways to fix some of the problems that people other than us encounter, if we weren’t so damned afraid… of what, we’re not sure.
But I’m pretty sure the “people no one wants” are the symptom; not the problem. Our closed hearts are also part of the problem…
We don’t want to be the people in that picture. We want to be Peace. Let’s do the work. It’s a beautiful day out there under the Berry Moon, really, let’s do the work.
Overcast or not it was a lovely June day in the Berry Moon. Perfect for fêting two wonderful people who had done so much for the community.
Doug and Margie Sturm were extraordinary, but they were also very ordinary folk. They were both teachers, she taught countless high school kids to love literature; he taught religion and poli sci… and hurrah for that combo! Depression kids, they knew the value of hard work and had the knack of finding ways to get things done.
They believed strongly in the value of community, starting an organization entitled Community Alliance for Respect and Equality. They were warm and witty and engaging and people participated, sometimes just to hang out with them… and why not?
It was so fitting that the day in their honor was a day for soliciting volunteers fueled by fun music. The community gathered and a good time was had by all…
Peace is Possible… but you have to step up to do the work. Doug and Margie stood up and stepped up to the task. They loved broadly and boldly. And oh, they had great kids and left a trail of disciples behind them. Let us give thanks… and go and do likewise. Peace. Your community needs you!
Some of us, and I think it’s more of a what is thing than a good or bad thing, have what I think of as patchwork souls. We have walked many paths, sat in many kitchens drinking tea or beer or whatever the local brew is, talked in many languages, whether they were of a nation or a clan…
And there is for us, particularly as we begin to understand it, a great joy.
However, it also means that there are paths and kitchens and languages that are lost or abandoned. And then there are pockets of remembered joy, sealed perhaps with some scar tissue of grief. Because there are some places, for so many reasons, to which you can never return.
I do think it helps us, as we come to the Peace-making process, to understand how many different hearts with their own languages of Love need to be engaged and how much space needs to be made for different approaches… May we be Peace and Possibility.
Every family has their own language of Love. At the Evans household, one of the threads in Love’s language was fabric. weird, eh?
But Mom started art school in fashion design. Dad was a color chemist in a carpet factory. We loved fabric. The house was filled with beautiful color. Mom sewed. (Deb and I were less capable! and disciplined… although i have ideas, I have usually fairly haphazard executions!)
But oh, we’re admirers of a well-cut anything. Or a beautiful pattern. Or a fabric that falls just so.
So when I saw those beautiful dresses, so well suited to those beautiful young women, all I could think was where are they? So often if I had a wedding in Bloomsburg, I went home to Deb’s house. This must be the first wedding I’ve had since there was no Deb’s house.
And we would have sat and I could have told all my fabric stories and then shown her pics later. But that was yesterday. And here I am, fluent in a language that is now more or less extinct. It’s sort of a weird thing… It’s a scramble to figure out Peace when no one speaks your language of Love. Adaptation… ah, it’s a slow segue… and Peace is sometimes a dance with memories.
The Berry Moon is about being ripe and luscious. Fully yourself, decadently, decidedly you.
Welcome.
The open heart is about appreciating not only your own charms but those of the others whatever charms they are.
And if others don’t love your charms, and you’re convinced, because you are also wildly self-reflective, that your charms are you and you’re not trying to be someone else, but then, even then, you’re searching! and if other folks are damning —
Then you don’t need those other people.
Because that way lies insanity and self-hatred. Peace lies in your lusciousness, you ripe and juicy berry, you. Love the Berry Moon. Love yourself. Love Peace.
I’ve been exhausted. I was chalking it up to how incredibly busy I was and not really paying a lot of attention to what I was very busy doing — mostly because i was just so busy doing what needed to be done next.
This past month, I have been more deeply… more immediately… involved in people’s lives than normal, working to be present to people at the place where life begins and the place where it ends and some of the magnificent places in between. When it comes in a wave as it has recently, it’s demanding. When you’re needed, you show up. I lean on the Lady, others lead on the Lord, others just the great gift of Life. But you lean, because you’re never enough alone. (and yes, i lean on my community.)
And while it is tiring to be that present to people’s lives, it’s the most exhilarating thing in the world.
As a priestess, I think a lot about the prophetic claims of the job: the need to speak about the many ways life is denied by the institutions to those cast as outsiders and to the most vulnerable. It is a privilege.
But what brought me to this whole priestessing thing was ritual. I love the celebrations. I love being asked to attend at moments of great importance and to lend the reminder that Love and Life are what matters. I love the time spent talking to the people involved, conceiving what will respond to their needs, crafting the vessel and the words and performing the ritual.
I enjoy the weaving together of community. I am pleased when I can help their Joy emerge and grateful beyond belief when I can give voice to their sadness and sometimes comfort and Peace in the midst of their loss.
It is also wonderful when these periods end and you can sink into your favorite chair, or pool or a meal with some friends. Or as I got to do last night, walking the labyrinth and a ritual celebrating the Full Berry Moon… Part of this work is not just the leaning, it’s the privilege and the demand of pouring out of self. I am grateful. and today? I’m tired.
Luckily, the Joy and the Peace will slowly, slowly fill me back to the rim with Life and Love. I just need to give them a chance. And until there’s a little more of me, I’ll quietly give thanks. And as the very wise Jack Kornfield said, “After the ecstasy, the laundry.” or as Buddha’s mother said, “chop wood, carry water.” The first of many loads is churning in the washing machine and I’ve got a day full of little chores to make my little paradise lovely again. A little peace and quiet to recharge the batteries. Peace be with us all…
Dear Bartender and Priestess: When I was in medical school I fell in love with one of my classmates, a great guy, I’ll call him “Bob”. We’ve been together for four years, but for the better part of a year it’s been long distance; my residency is in our home town, but he is doing his residency in another state. We see each other every month and are completely solid as a couple, deeply in love.
Two years ago, Bob and I visited my father and stepmother. Bob likes to discuss politics and history and can hold his own in a discussion; my father has decided Continue reading
I don’t know that what I’m working at has a lot to do with the Berry Moon, although if you saw it go down yesterday evening, you were thrilled. Jupiter was bright and beautiful and the tiny, tiny sliver of moon was orange… ahhhhhh.
But there’s a lot going on out here in the world, and much of what’s touching my life right now is sad. People are having a hard time, and my job, or at least part of my job, is showing up when life is hard for others.
And this kind of job is challenging because it seems that things come in waves. You boogie along and everything’s great and then all of sudden people need you to talk to them about hard things. Life and death things. Because that’s a big part of what ministers do. I’ve always done that with people, but now it’s official.
It’s an incredible privilege to be with people in the midst of their challenges. And it’s hard work. Presence is something to practice. And when they’re people you know, that you’re with on a regular basis, it can be very challenging.
And the day after a young woman died, my friend’s kids had a baby. The circle, the cycle, of Life is sweet. Life giveth and Life taketh away…
And we find a way to make Peace, not only with the journey but also with the beginnings and endings.
