Remembering the Peace of Advent

One of the hard truths about this time of year is that we are forced to confront what we may have missed, or have lost. For some of us, those of us who are very privileged, the holidays have been sweet, families have been united and traditions have traveled between the generations. But even those people have lost beloved family members who are no longer there.

It takes a while to recalibrate. It takes a while to decide to focus not on what i don’t have but on what is there. It’s important for me to honor the heart of the holidays, both religiously and communally. But it’s also time to cut out the pieces of the holiday that no longer fit.

I love to think of the root of the word remembering … to re-member, to piece back together. To take the remnants of the good and to make something beautiful from it.

It takes a while to demand (of yourself) the space to celebrate holidays in your image in a fashion that suits you. But you are worthy of that. If you’re alone, find other people who also are. Or celebrate another holiday and make that yours until you can reclaim your own for yourself.

Remember the holidays… Feel free, not to long for what you once believe you had, but to create that which celebrates the deepest possibilities of life. Savor the Dark. Explore the Mystery. Be amazed by the Wonder. Gather with those who love you as you are — even if that means you’re alone and loving yourself fiercely.

Allow your holidays to be filled with Peace. Share that with others. Remember. Make that cloak of beautiful memories and move forward with joy. Peace be with you. Peace be with us all.

Alternative Advent December 12 – 15¢ if you have dishes in your house. There are actually people in our Susquehanna Valley who do not. So be generous. if you have more than one set, try 15¢ per set.

Cherishing Advent Peace

Here at a time in my life when so much of my family has died, I have had to make decisions about what and when I cherish. What do I bring forward from that life with them? What do I call out from my time in California? How do I incorporate the people in this life whom I’ve come to love and their celebrations? And how do I leave myself room to “mind the gaps,” to drift away from what is still too painful to touch?

This is some of Advent’s important work I think.

Many of us, for reasons far sadder than death, don’t have the family they want. So how do you celebrate and cherish the family you do have? How do you make holidays that matter with who you are and what you have.

The Dark is a precious gift and so are the holidays that come with it. And there are so many. Can’t do the one you were born with? Can you do it differently, or make a home in another one?

And can we all acknowledge our responsibility to cherish life? This is a time of new beginnings, celebrations of tiny scraps of God among us and light returning. Can we sing sleep in heavenly Peace in December and mean it in January? Can we light candles and remember the past and look forward to the future and providing defiant light to the world?

We’re the people to do that! We’re the people to cherish our own traditions and to invite people over to share the festival foods. We’re the people to become curious about others’ feasts and fests and learn about what makes us different and celebrate the urge to come together to with our families and communities to make new memories.

We’re the people to create Peace. We’re the people to cherish it. May it be so.

Alternative Advent today is 10¢ for every flush toilet. That should be a dollar! These are precious!

Thanksgiving Peace Again

So many things for which to give thanks.

So many things to remember. And yesterday, we made new memories.

It’s a great holiday, isn’t it, Really just created for the opportunity to build more memories. There are new members of the family to braid in. Such sacred work.

As a kid, you’re at the mercy of the family… and hopefully for everyone that’s a lot of mercy. But later, it’s a chance for you to construct love as you want to see it.

Yesterday we laid a great framework for family… I feel so blessed.

I hope you feel that way too.

Peace be with you all, my friends. Peace. I hope you enjoyed the holiday and the full moon as much as I did.

The Peace of Beloved Festival Foods

For most of us, Thanksgiving is one of those holidays filled with food and family.

For those without either, let us be generous in opening our hearts and our wallets and cupboards. If we’re going to be thankful, it’s good to be so actively — and there is so much need. Thanksgiving requires great thanksgiving. Some of us are so lucky. I’m humbled by the life I lead. Blessing counting is an important part of this day.

But let us also enjoy — unabashedly… and make plans to revel in the fun.

And the food. Ah, festival foods are the best. Everyone has a favorite food associated with Thanksgiving. We were all stunned when niece Jan chose stuffing as the one food she never had to eat (her brother chose broccoli, which I like, but stuffing, that great gravy conveyance?). The rest of us we all about passing the bowl around one more time.

But for some it’s the yams, for others the turkey itself.

And for me, right up there alongside the stuffing is any kind of cranberry!

I once hosted a thanksgiving feast with 8 different kinds of cranberry sauce. Oh, i was happy!

Today it’s Monday. In three sleeps, it will be Thanksgiving. Turkey. Cranberry. Stuffing.

And a lovely, lovely wedding to perform. Yep. I’m looking forward. (and i get to miss the football part, which I know is other people’s favorite piece.)

I hope your Thanksgiving is filled with thanksgiving.

The Ties that Bind Us to Peace

I was caught off guard. It’s not that I don’t miss them all individually. And sometimes I miss the family. I know a lot of people who know that I lost them. But I don’t know many people who knew us together.

But when El walked in, and I’ve not seen her since Deb died, it opened floodgates that had obviously been lurking.

I was home. I was safe. And there were memories here to pull out and sort through. I had a long drive to do that very thing. It was very sweet. It was very sad. But I not only got to see my very dear friends, I got little snippets of my family back when I least expected it.

Love is so very sweet, even when it’s sad… even when it’s hard. Our work is to find the Peace in Love.

Sunrise, Sunset, Sabbath, Peace

I received a video this morning to tell me that the sunrise had been beautiful. As beautiful, it turns out as the sunset last night. And the sunset was gorgeous. (even if driving west during the sunset is a pretty lousy idea.

Ah, this earth. and this beauty.

I’m grateful that this is my Sabbath today. After the tumultuous weekend, it will be so good to gather with those who are my family of faith. Our traditions may be different, but when they’re right for us, there is that sense of coming home. And when the world is so crazy, home is central to our well-being. And so many, so many have lost all they’ve known as home.

I must admit that after the long hours on the road, I’m really looking forward to an afternoon nap as well. zzzzzz.

But enjoy the day. it’s cold but beautiful. Do those things that remind you how good it is to be alive.

Peace be with us all, my friends. Peace.

Pride and Peace

I have wonderful friends. I know wonderful people. People who do ordinary and extraordinary things. People who do things to the best of their abilities. People who stretch beyond what is expected of them… whether by others or by themselves.

We have this weird thing going on in today’s culture… we have both very low expectations of people, jumping up and down when you phone in a an experience — and ridiculously high ones: failing to notice when when people reach deep into themselves and pull out all that is bright and beautiful and put it to work.

When we do our halting best and do a good job, that means something.

Too often we don’t turn to those we love — or even to those we barely know and say good job you worked so hard, you really tried. Not even you succeeded — you worked your heart out on that. The least I can do is be present enough in the moment to notice and to tell you.

And it’s good to know that your friends treasure your work because they know what it costs you. We all do a lot of things that aren’t the easy things for us. We should be proud of ourselves. And we should be proud of people we know. And we should tell them.

I know this is dicey. I know that that pride can be a dangerous thing. It can become more about the pride and less about the doing what needs to be done.

But sometimes we need that encouragement. Sometimes we are so petrified at what we’re undertaking it means the world to have someone turn and say, yep. you’re doing a wonderful job. Keep going. You’ve discovered new possibilities. You’re working hard and doing good. A friend of mine always used to say 5 attaboys or attagirls for you. Yes, you.

My friends, I’m proud of you. Be Peaceful with yourselves. You’re doing the best you can — so much more than you imagined you could.

Starry, Family, Sabbath Peace

Every once in a while you should have loaner kid sitting on your couch. Not that I have my own kids, but loaner kids bring another take. If they’re nieces and nephews, there’s trust and laughing and fun things to do, so you’ve already cut through any awkwardness.

You learn a lot about each other. They get another look at adulthood. You get a dose of what’s up right now.

And then, if it’s this fabulous young woman, she reshapes your hair, goes uncomplainingly to party’s with 70 yos and to smokey bars to see a new band. She then demands you stop and take a gander the stars (she IS an evans child… my parents would be so proud! and so will her bennett/hermanson parents be!)

And the next morning, she uncomplainingly goes to church with you. That’s a niece! And a darling. Lucky Auntie.

She’s my cousin’s kid. Back when we were losing family at a fearful and awful rate, the cousins one generation down from mine were saying, our family is too small, we’re claiming one another and my generation was saying, we didn’t know one another growing up, we’re going to know one another now. We live into that every chance we get.

So, a visit from a niece. It’s a wonderful way to spend a weekend. and a great way to spend a beautiful, brisk fall Sabbath.

Enjoy the day. Today I’m celebrating the Peace of developing family. Whatever you’re celebrating I hope it’s lovely.

Sweet Little Gift of Peace

He was at the church to attend his grandpa’s funeral. He’s a boy bursting with curiosity. He never stopped moving.

You could tell, his parents worry — what will he get into?

Answer: Everything he can.

And he’s not the first child in that place to be hyper-inquisitive.

But he’s sparing with his words. He’s not always a child to get the nuances.

So when his first words were to recognize what we do here… it just made my heart swell.

Thanks, little guy… we work hard to make that so. Yes, it’s an old office building. Yes, we do church here.

There’s Peace in the making of religious community and Peace in being recognized for what we do at a very deep level. We loved his grandpa and we celebrate his life and mourn his loss.

There was Peace in our being together doing that and in using our talents to honor our friend. There was Peace in this little boy’s blessing.

Remembering, Peace

It was such a beautiful day yesterday. Wildly, out-of-season-ly beautiful. And oh, it looks like it might be the same sort of day today. hurrah.

So, yesterday and today, in terms of their beauty, are days to remember — and to be enjoyed.

Yesterday was also a day to remember a friend whom we buried. I’m mostly called on to do memorials and interment of ashes. I rarely do a casket funeral. But this is what my friend wanted. (and before we get too far off topic, they’re now saying that perhaps it’s better to bury than to cremate due to the immense amount of fuel and the release of particulate matter.)

People always say to me, you must hate doing funerals. In fact, I don’t. I am so honored to do them. Weddings are fun and baby blessings are a joy. But funerals, to work to get the memories right, to help people remember their loved one… oh, that is such a privilege.

I have people I work with at church, musicians, poets, kitchen magicians who deepen the experience. Will you do this, I ask, and they say yes. And then it all gets better. It was even richer because his friend, who doesn’t speak in public, opened his heart and spoke for his friend. We use who we are and what we know and make space for family and friends to be comforted in their loss and maybe even inspired to live more fully by this person they knew so well.

It’s silly, but wonderful to be so glad that my wedding table cloths and those little salt and pepper shakers are useful in lifting a family’s heart in the gathering afterwards.

Funerals, just like every other experience in life, should engage as many senses as possible. This one did. The service helped us remember. The day was so beautiful, so that standing at the graveside for this man whose struggles had ended, everything seemed joyous and right. Poetry and song wove ties around us.

And then back to the church for another opportunity for building memories.

Thank you my friends. For that day, in that group, Peace was in that place.

And then there’s the totally absurd fact that having done two funerals in one week in what must be county cemeteries, I’m on a winking and grinning basis with the gravediggers. It’s a weird world.

There’s birth and death and a whole lot of life in between. But at the end to be laid to rest with gentle words and reinforcing bonds, this is good.

Sacred Village

Building a World of Peace, Village by Sacred Village.

Tag Archives: creating family