The Priestess Is In

You Are So Welcome Here

My friends,

I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time. I’ve been agitating about how I might make a difference in the bullying epidemic in our country. Every year 13 million kids are bullied. That means that at least that many children are bullying, probably more. In my little bucolic valley, in the last 2 years, 5 children have committed suicide because of bullying. What we don’t understand is that it’s not only the bullied who commit suicide, the bullies do as well. They are also severely damaged by their part in the violent play. We need to find a way to make this violence stop.

Too many of us can look back at our past and identify a time or place where we were far less kind than we might have been. We may even have been actively unkind, even threatening. As kids, we might have been confused about how to get out of the cycle. As adults, if we’re willing to examine what we did, we’re ashamed. But shame doesn’t help today’s youngsters.

So I decided that I would make a video and identify myself as a concerned adult, living in Northumberland, PA who was willing to talk to our children and their families, their friends, and even their harassers. I may not be able to help you myself. But I can help you find support. This video is not only a declaration of my willingness to help but also an invitation to you to consider whether or not you might not want to declare yourself a supportive adult.

I know that I am very lucky because I work in a denomination and a congregation where I can step forward. Because I can, I must. Not every clergy can make such a video without jeopardizing her or his job. But there are plenty of us, willing to help who can do this.

I’d like to create a network of folk criss-crossing the country who will step up and volunteer their support to these vulnerable kids. My video is longer than it needs to be. I used a professional videographer. Your video can be a 30-second video that says who you are, what you do and where you’re located. I’d like you to post it to the Sacred Village FaceBook page. When we start building some movement, my web-gang and I will figure out what comes next.

I hope you’ll also tell people about this post. I hope you’ll like the video and send it to friends with the same request. I hope you’ll tell your friends on FB both about the video and the campaign.

You and I are a powerful force — either for inertia or for the good. Help me make a difference. Our kids deserve it. We deserve the kids that will grow up free from such bullying. Can my little video make a difference? Can yours? We won’t know until we try. Won’t you stand with me, open your arms and tell the children how welcome they are to talk to you?

You Are So Welcome Here – Long Video

In the meantime, here are some resources to offer to both children and adults who are looking for support. And of course, don’t forget about the new social services resource, 2011.

GLSEN: Gay & Lesbian Educators Network homepage.  http://www.glsen.org/cgi-bin/iowa/all/home/index.html

Kaiser Family Foundation, Children Now, Nickelodeon (2001). Talking with kids about tough issues: A national survey of parents and kids.  Available from http://www.childrennow.org/index.php/learn/talking_with_kids/

PFLAG: Parents & Friends of Lesbians & Gays homepage.  Available from http://community.pflag.org/Page.aspx?pid=194&srcid=-2

Skiba, R. & Fontanini, A. (2000) Bullying Prevention: What works in preventing school violence. Available from: http://www.indiana.edu/~safeschl/

“Stop Bullying Now” (2010). Health Resources & Services Administration (HRSA) Available at http://stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov

The Trevor Project: Preventing GLBTQ Suicide: www.thetrevorproject.org/

PeaceSister?

Once, when talking to Kelly Himsl Arthur from Think Peace Worshops for (wonderful, wonderful) Girls (and when are you writing that article, Ann?) she used the word Peace Sister.

Yesterday, in my first sermon back from vacation, I talked about how startling that phrase was and how different it felt from Peace Maker. If you are a Peace Maker you start with the assumption that there is no Peace.

But if you are a Peace Sister, your work is nurturance rather than creation. Your job is to love, protect, play with, encourage, teach, learn from. It’s a title that’s rich with possibilities and rife with hard work. It’s a title and a mantle one can’t assume, unless I’m also willing to assume the responsibilities for My Sister Peace, My Brother Peace.

So… what do I think: Ann Keeler Evans, Peace Sister. what do you think? How’s it look? it feels pretty interesting. Why don’t you try it on? Your name, Peace Brother. Your name, Peace Sister. I must say, it looks good on you. You encourage me to try. And always, always, always, Kelly encourages me to be more and better. How great a friend is that?

Widening and Narrowing Circles

This summer I was off to Peace Camp: ThinkPeace Workshops for Girls. It was astonishing. and I still haven’t distilled everything into a drink I can share. So many wonderful ideas. So many wonderful Girls! And Women! And such wonderful Work. yah. more later! Heaven on a stick for a Peace Sister. (Yes, there’s pondering about Peace Camp for Women!)

But what’s caught at my heart today is the notion of how your circles both enlarge and focus when you begin to look in a different direction. It’s been about a year that Sacred Village has been a public entity rather than a closely shared dream. Goodness knows, thanks to my beloved Web Guy, I’ve owned Sacred Village for years. (Dreams deferred can be just that! And sometimes dreams take a while to take substance. Don’t give up!)

As part of my attempt to put myself out there, I did what you’re supposed to do. I got a twitter account. I started friending people. I started posting. An early lucky follow was Kelly at ThinkPeace. Almost immediately “We Belonged to a Mut-u-allll Admiration Society.” Love, love, love, that woman her partner Liz and their work! I watched in amazement the work The girls and they were doing. I wrote a poem to support their work in Million Bones Project. Eventually, I held my breath and sent my plea… “Can I come to camp?” Yes! Delight ensued.

So off I went. Wow! And there as the teacher of the week was (drum roll, please) the fabulous and lovely Jeanne Demers author of The Ruby Books.

She works with Girls to help them find their Voices. We all started stories. (Yo, TP Girls anyone finish yours?) She’s a beautiful wonderful soul! (funny too!). At the end of the week, the girls started working at their World Girls, doing their research and building connections to girls a world away.

Now Jeanne has moved to Austin (cause that’s how hip she is!) and she’s gotten a job with the Girls Empowerment Network in Austin (GENaustin). She’s going to be wandering into school after school starting clubGEN. Girls will be speaking out all over Austin. The Girls of Austin couldn’t have a better gift. Girls! Leadership! Peace! Empowering and putting to words the connections between those things. What a wonderful, wonderful thing!

I can’t wait until the next time our paths cross. Because now that they have, you know they will again. Sing Hey! for a wonderful new friend and a woman doing her Work! My dear friends, meet a dear friend: Jeanne Demers (Cool Aunt, Great Woman).

Being Nice

Day after day we hear horrible stories of what goes on in high schools and how students cope with bullying. The cyber world, which I celebrate as it keeps me in touch with almost-lost high school friends and newly-minted grandchildren, is not always put to work for the good.

I read, aghast, about the way twitter and FB are used to isolate and terrify kids. I wonder whether Twitterverse isn’t the island that William Golding talked about in Lord of the Flies. When I read that book in college in the 70s I rolled my eyes, secure in my knowledge of humanity’s basic goodness. There’s nothing quite like privilege, is there? After all, I’d been growing up during the 60s in the years of the most heinous race riots and somehow still believed that clapping for Tinkerbelle was what it took.

Years later, I still cling to my Pollyanna worldview. I believe, when encouraged, we move toward the best in us. (it was only slightly discouraging when referencing pollyanna to have one group of information about Eleanor Porter’s 1915 novel and the other bit about “disambiguation” which is a synonym for my preternatural cheery optimism.) Once more with feeling “Let’s all look on the bright side of life…”

But looking away doesn’t help anything, especially our bullied and frightened kids. So it was a lovely thing to read about a 17 yo kid in Osseo MN taking to Twitter to shut down the mean girls and boys in his school who were using social media to terrorize and traumatize. Kudos for Kevin Curwick (and his parents who raised a great kid!). A cute, popular kid, leading the kindness brigade. Or as he says, OsseoNiceThings — goodness gracious are we going to rehabilitate the word nice, make it more than icky-sweet? He just set about noticing kids and posting what was great about them. Day after day, tweet after tweet. A young man doing his kindness reps. And Hurrah! for the kids at other schools are doing the same thing to combat bullying. If we’re going to trend and hashtag, let’s do it for the good. Hop on that bus, my dears.

And while we’re cheering, let’s hear it for the kids who are participating in Lady Gaga’s Kindness Campaign and for Office Depot and their president Patrick Schwartzenegger’s support and Cyndi Lauper’s “Give a Damn” campaign. It’s good to see people with klout taking a lead on this issue.

Makes me wonder what you’re doing for the good about bullying. Wander over to our FB page, like us, and tell me what you’re up to.

In the meantime give it up for Kevin. Thanks to him, at least in Osseo, MN, we’re no longer listening to the sound of one hand clapping, we’re listening to a rousing round of applause from every student in his school. (Although someone might want to know if was using his cell in school, but that’s the principal’s problem! I’m just happy someone’s doing what’s right. ) So, while I’ll keep working for change, I’m going to keep clapping for Tinkerbelle. Sometimes the light just shines brighter. I do believe the more you focus on what is right, the more we move toward that. But we should stop once in a while to see who’s not in the parade with us and invite them to come along. Go Kevin!

 

Lost and Found

In my line of work, I spend a lot of time driving to places I don’t know. For some reason, I’ve never invested in a GPS. And so I wind up, from time to time, lost.

There are times when that is more frightening than others. When I’m going to a wedding, I always leave lots of time for the drive before the lots of time I need to prepare to go on with the wedding. But still, it can get a bit shaky, especially when couples have found the perfect place to marry which is back of beyond and outside of cell coverage. And of course even if one had cell coverage, if you’re in farmland alongside a herd o’ cows, what do you say about where you are?

But other times, I’m just not clear where I am and how to get to where I’m going from where I am.

If I had a GPS, she would tell me to turn around and go back to something that felt like an intersection. I suppose that might have its charm.

But what’s really quite wonderful in those “hmmmmm” moments is to find a place to stop and ask.

People like being helpful. It’s really a mitzvah to give them a chance. If you’re pleasant, and ask specifically for what you need, people will do their best to help you get where you need to go. And if they can’t help you, they will go out of their way to find someone who can help you. At the end of the exchange, everyone feels good about themselves and the other.

In London, when I was one of a gaggle of young American women, uncertain how to get to whatever our next destination was, I stopped a home-bound gentleman (complete with bowler, bumpershoot and newspaper) and asked for directions. He turned around and walked 4 blocks out of his way to get us sorted out. We were all smiling and grateful at the end of that exchange. (And this is the trip where I had a street name but no address for a cousin, and walked into a green grocer and asked if he knew of a red-headed american who lived in the area… “ginger-‘aired?” he asked. “Two doors down.” And that’s how my cousin Nancy and her young family wound up with 5 extra mouths to feed on a Sunday Evening.” Luck? Maybe. Kindess, absolutely!)

It’s almost always worked that way — well, except for once, but that’s another story, and all’s well that ends well with that story, as well. I do get anxious. But if I can calm my anxiety, I tend to have a great time and a wonderful exchange.

Which is not to say that I don’t like it when the directions work and the street and road signs you need are actually visible…

But the kindness of strangers is, thank you Blanche DuBois, a commodity on which one can gratefully rely. Pretty cool, eh?

Don’t Miss It

Summer time, and the living is fabulous!

Lammas! That late summer wonder is here. Bringing with it such garden bounty. Corn! Tomatoes! Eggplant! Cukes! yum!!!

I love the slant of the sun this time of year. And yesterday for the first time the breeze blew cool and I went to bed with the windows open and a fan blowing. The sleeping was heavenly. The heat will rise again, but you could feel Fall leafing through the catalog choosing where she might be off to in a few short weeks.

By now, I know the length of the town pool, so my summer swimming has finally settled into its rhythm. My injured ankle improves in the daily back and forth. Perhaps it’s because I know the month is slipping away so I treasure each dip in the pool. Somehow as the laps build up, the years slip away and I am ageless in the water. Even my fear and sadness cannot stand against its healing properties.

Yesterday I swam next to a woman, all business with her training, shoulders rippling with muscles. Such is my joy in the swimming that I didn’t bother to feel badly that she was so fit and I was, well, not. We giggled about time slipping away, exchanging dates of births but not names while hanging panting on the end of the pool.

Fall will come and then it will be my favorite. But for a little while, as that old saying goes on days like this: God’s in Her Heaven and all’s right with the world.

Even if it’s only for short moments, I hope you can experience August’s generosity. It’s a wonderful gift when she so often rests heavily on our days.

P.S. Don’t forget Perseid’s showers!

Tilt

It’s easy, when your heart isn’t on the line, to wax loftily poetic.

And then it is:

My sister has just been diagnosed with a late stage lung cancer. Possibilities are not exhausted, but they’re not limitless either. The journey to possibility is horrifying and ugly. Deb’s accepting and frightened. I’m so frightened too. And I can’t make it better or share the pain. I can only bear witness.

My sister! My sister!

I always say the miracle is that it works at all. It isn’t unusual for things to go awry. Life is messy. And not forever promised.

“I always” doesn’t mean jack when it’s your sister. It doesn’t mean much either when well-meaning friends tell me I’ll have to man up for Deb because she’ll need me. Well, of course. My forte. Evanses are strong, competent and brave.  But excuse me? My heart? Breaking here. So much loss. And now… uncertainty… that edges toward some unwelcome certainties.

I make the only promises I can. I will be present. I will be her advocate. I will revel in her company, however heartbreaking and messy. I will keep my hands and heart open. And I will love her fiercely.

And you? I will love you too, working hard not to let this pain blind me to you and your struggles and your triumphs.

But I tell you the truth. I will need a kind word and a steadying hand on my back.

Air Castles

How lovely, I received a request for this… so I’m sharing.

I have so many stories to tell you about Peace Camp with ThinkPeaceWorkshop, but not quite yet. I have some family fun and business to attend to, and it’s going to take a bit to get the brain back after a week with that many fabulous young women.

But we need to build castles (and dream dreams) some of us dream them from the ground up, some of us from the air down. We need one another, we need one another’s dreams, and we need to keep making dreams come true!

What are you dreaming? For which dream are you building a foundation?

Sisters… sisters…

I love the song from White Christmas. (OK, I love the whole movie. I used to watch it with my mom, and late in her dementia, Mom, who became incredibly agitated around TV, started cooing when she heard the opening song.)

But I also love the concept. I’m delighted to have a sister. There are eight years between us, so it took our being adults for our sister relationship to flourish, but when we got started we got really good at it.

Along the way, I started collecting sisters. Wonderful women folded themselves into my life and folded me into mine. I learned more about being a sister.

Fast forward through life. Lots happened in my life and in my sister Deb’s. We’re now living 30 minutes apart and enjoying the fruits of sisterness. When there’s good news, we’re the first person to called. The same is true with bad news.

But now my sister is waiting for health news with a lot of scary portent. I’m not at home. It feels awful. But as we all know, good or bad, the news will be there when I get back. But in the meantime, I rejoice in knowing that my beloved sister is safe in the hands of her beloved friends. Her Sisters that she’s picked up along the way. In particular the Sisters (and Brothers to be sure) in the town where she’s retired. They’ve brought her food and weeded her garden. They’ve swum in her pool. They’ve made her laugh and feel loved. And now when I am far from home, they will go to initial doctor’s visits and discuss options.

My sister’s health is in good hearts as well as hands. A sister could not ask for more. If you don’t have a circle of love, start building. you’ll always be so happy to have them. And in moments like this, you’ll be glad your sisters and cousins and friends have them too. Sing Ho! to the cloud of love around Deb. Sing ho! to any cloud love that makes a difference in your life.

thanks. a

 

Awe

Creation is so much larger than we are usually willing to contemplate. It can take standing at the edge of Grand Canyon, or some equally immense site to help you understand how vast and how ancient this world is.

A favorite Sandra Boyton card showed a bear standing at the edge of a precipice saying something like: As I stand at the edge of the world, looking into the night sky, I am amazed at how small am I. (I’m sure it’s small and petty of me that what I loved about the card is that you opened it up and it said, “it’s amazing how small you can be.” I would never send the card. But I bought it and it sends me into gales of laughter every time I come across it!)

Sorry, back on track. It’s difficult to live in the vastness. And so we retreat. We can only observe the grandiosity and then have to back off to what we can comprehend. If you read Jill Bolte Taylor’s “My Stroke of Insight” or watch her TED talk, she talks about the wonder of her left brain’s shutting down and the right side, which connects with the universal expanding and expanding and expanding. She loved it, but understood that it was not real world.

Awe is in that universal place. And awe is in awful because we are not able to stay in that universal place. It is at once and the same time wonderful and terrible. Or maybe terrifying.  How can there be that much?

And so we retreat back to the mundane. But if we do not continually visit that place of inspiration, we miss at least half of all that makes life wonderful. And I don’t believe that in the face of that wonder, we can feel anything other than connected (by our insignificance). I can’t imagine that you can stand at the South Rim of the Canyon and think “I should own this. and you should not.” Instead you think “this is holy ground.”

So perhaps when we need to make peace, we should go to these sacred places, on our own or with those people with whom we have disagreements and allow the vastness to bring our petty squabbles into perspective. And then we should deal kindly with one another.