Tag Archives: creating family

West Coast Sabbath Peace, llvl

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Last night we sat at dinner with Steve’s kids and their kids and Steve’s ex and her husband. It was a great dinner in so many ways. First the food. One daughter in particular is a great cook, so yum. One of the sweetest things about marrying Steve, and there are many, is the gift of his family.

But to sit and hear the kids tell stories about growing up was lovely. It was great to hear Steve and Shirley laugh together about life starting out. It’s what family’s meant to be, I think, easy… The two of them are long past their split and their differences and able to remember that they cared for one another. Kids deserve that.

It all made me very happy… particularly watching the littles get doted on by many of their grands. We’re not sure how we missed inviting Gary’s parents, but next time!

I couldn’t help being sad, however, that big assemblies around tables are not really in my family of origin’s future, they’re in my past. We did this a lot — all of us gathered around Deb’s table. So while I was rejoicing in having the crowd there and being part of maneuvering to get everyone together… I was also mourning…

Isn’t that just what life is the richness of today (if you’re being smart and persistent) and the richness of the past. All of that leads to the possibility of a rich future… but in the moment, as I sit here writing with my grandson snuggled in beside me, thinking about last night’s food and laughter and love… I miss Deb (and Betty and Sam) and Deb’s family gathered with Tom’s family in laughter and Peace. Sabbaths to remember. And now? New Families. new Peace. new Work: Got to keep making more sweet Sabbaths! Peace be with us all in our open- and our broken-heartedness..

LLVL15Apr13

Staying Local for Peace and Life

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You know it happens, so you shouldn’t be so surprised. But when the people on the shore behind you in Florida come from 6 miles away from your home in Pennsylvania… and you know someone in common… that’s a sweet coincidence. And ok, sorta weird.

And that’s life.

In addition to the wonderful weather, there’s wonderful family here. When you don’t see each other all the time, you work hard to create the family and then you reap the sweetness. And that’s life.

It’s hard to keep up with everyone you love. It’s hard to stay connected. It takes hard work.. But the effort makes all the difference. Then once in a while there are chance encounters that make you laugh out loud. Stay present to the moment. Count your blessings and just be overwhelmed with the sweetness. Make memories where and when you can. From such things Peace grows. And alongside it the realization that every bit of life is local. It’s all about your showing up!

LLVL10Mar6

Creating a Peaceful Vida Local

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It’s important to stop and take stock now and again about where we are and remember the places and experiences that got us here. At some point, we left those places and experiences behind. Sometimes we left with regret, simply because there was somewhere else we felt called to be.

Sometimes we left with urgency, needing to leave a toxic environment.

Sometimes we left because we were finished.

In the last two the leaving often brings with it sadness and confusion. Why are things over? What do I want?

There are plenty of times after leaving that we must huddle and heal. Throwing ourselves out there too quickly can convince you that you want to sit on the couch forever. But after a while we need to get up. And then sometimes we must wander in the wilderness until we find our new home. We’re not necessarily well-equipped to figure out what a new home needs to look like, especially when we’re grieving our old one. so there’s often stumbling involved. We need to find the shift in ourselves from “not this!” to “what I’m looking for…” If we’re hurting, in the beginning we may just be looking for community. And that’s fine. And the fact is we may try on a couple communities in the search, which can be painful for both the searchers and the communities that aren’t “just right.” It’s not an easy journey, just a worthwhile one. And we need to bless that journey of discovery.

But then, it’s best if we find and create a new nesting place, a new vida local. While I believe that you have to work to change communities, you can’t be working to change communities that have no interest in your desires. Ah, it’s a challenge.

In the long run, however, I believe we need communities and communities need new blood and new possibilities. Wherever we go, we need to create our new community. I am firmly convinced that it is our job to bend the arc of the world toward Peace toward Justice and toward Inclusive Community. So l invite us all, at the point where our grieving begins to move us back toward life, to find our new communities and to step up to Peacemaking. The rewards are enormous and help that broken heart to heal.

LLVL9Feb28

Snapshots of Local Peace, LLVL

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I know it’s not enough. There are much bigger issues to work on. but sometimes the Peace you work on has to be tailored to where your heart is. You also have to trust that your friends will do the big work while you’re doing the heart work.

What startles me into pleasure about the village is how caring and concerned it is. Caveats? you betcha. You’ve got to work your way into this village. But I’m here right now and it feels damned good.

Soon enough I’ll turn my face to the Peace and Justice trail. Right now, there are broken hearts, my own among them, as we mourn a woman who laughed and stitched and fed a community of people and of cats. Jean Weston, we’ll miss you. Saturday, we’re going to do our best to celebrate the joy you brought into our lives. In the meantime. we’ll be seeing you in all those old familiar places… and take up the task of creating family and creating community on your behalf.

And just a note, we were all confused at exactly how MANY cats were going to be meeting you at the rainbow bridge!

LLVL3Jan17

Sunset Peace

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My mother Betty was a landscape artist. Thanks to her, we spent a lot of time captivated by what was going on outside. I now know that she taught me first to look and then to see. One of the things we saw was sunsets. In her quest to teach us about beauty, she had two helpers with sunsets.

First, on the days that Mom had the car (remember those days when families had one car!) we went down to pick Daddy up from the carpet mill where he was a dye chemist at 4:30. We drove directly West. For some parts of the year the sun and clouds would be inescapable.

Second, our dining room faced west. Mom taught me a lot about stopping whatever you were doing to look at the sunset. This served me well when I lived in the Oakland hills and would watch the sun travel its path between South San Francisco to Mt. Tam and back, offering a different sunset delight every day. The Gods of the Bay Area must love sunset, because it was often the clearest part of the day.

Deb wound up with both Mom’s sunset paintings. We all visit them when we visit her. The painting above is Mom’s view out our diningroom window. So it won’t surprise you that I find a joyful Peace in sunset… or that I stop and gulp to gawk at the beauty.

Sisters… sisters…

I love the song from White Christmas. (OK, I love the whole movie. I used to watch it with my mom, and late in her dementia, Mom, who became incredibly agitated around TV, started cooing when she heard the opening song.)

But I also love the concept. I’m delighted to have a sister. There are eight years between us, so it took our being adults for our sister relationship to flourish, but when we got started we got really good at it.

Along the way, I started collecting sisters. Wonderful women folded themselves into my life and folded me into mine. I learned more about being a sister.

Fast forward through life. Lots happened in my life and in my sister Deb’s. We’re now living 30 minutes apart and enjoying the fruits of sisterness. When there’s good news, we’re the first person to called. The same is true with bad news.

But now my sister is waiting for health news with a lot of scary portent. I’m not at home. It feels awful. But as we all know, good or bad, the news will be there when I get back. But in the meantime, I rejoice in knowing that my beloved sister is safe in the hands of her beloved friends. Her Sisters that she’s picked up along the way. In particular the Sisters (and Brothers to be sure) in the town where she’s retired. They’ve brought her food and weeded her garden. They’ve swum in her pool. They’ve made her laugh and feel loved. And now when I am far from home, they will go to initial doctor’s visits and discuss options.

My sister’s health is in good hearts as well as hands. A sister could not ask for more. If you don’t have a circle of love, start building. you’ll always be so happy to have them. And in moments like this, you’ll be glad your sisters and cousins and friends have them too. Sing Ho! to the cloud of love around Deb. Sing ho! to any cloud love that makes a difference in your life.

thanks. a