I’ve been thinking about presence, which I believe is a sacred act. And then I realized that too often I overlook myself as worthy of that radical action.
I postpone taking care of myself, my space, sometimes my wardrobe. I’m not always attentive with my money. Some of this is just personality. But some of it is not. Some of it is just stuff I procrastinate about.
And so last week, I started at the gym. Finally. I like to swim. I really like to swim. But even loving the water doesn’t get me to the pool three times a week. And the pool is not enough. So I’ve paid my money to increase my membership and now in the last two weeks I’ve been to the gym three times. I’ll go once more this week. Two or three swims and two gyms. Every week.
Because I’m worth it. And because I’m 62. If I don’t work on those core muscles now, I won’t have them later. All reports say it’s going to be a slip slidey Winter. Let’s keep the balance thing going. And I’m an Evans, and we’re pretty long-lived. That means I both want to honor that heritage and face the reality of needing to be in good shape.
It’s unlikely that I’m one of those people destined to become a gym-rat. I’m sure it will make me feel better. It will certainly make me look better. Somewhere, if I’m lucky there will be endorphins (so far, my biggest excitement about the recumbent bike is that I can read. OK. I’ll take that. Some people claim you can do that on the stair master, but somethings I don’t need to test quite yet. Maybe some day.)
But if I think of this as offering myself radical presence. If I think of it as one long ongoing prayer of gratitude for my body and my life, this may be the goad I need. Maybe. It really goes against my thealogy not to consider myself central to the hard work I’m willing to do in the world. And yet, I’ve done that effectively for years… sigh.
“It’s me, it’s me, it’s me oh Lord, standing in the need of prayer.” Don’t hesitate to ask me gently how I’m doing in this sacred endeavor.
So here’s me, counting me in as worthy not only of working for Peace, but of creating it for myself. Amen. Blessed Be. I wish the same for you and all your wonderfulness.