It feels as life is a bit out of control right now. Too much illness. Too much death. My heart is bruised and other hearts need to be tended.
I’ve been working at the swimming. Because water does it for Evans girls. I’ve written and written about that… Although, sigh, if I’m not consistent enough, and I’m really just getting back, my body’s a little whiny. Move? ha! Oilcan! Oilcan!
But my other go to is order and structure. I’m not an orderly person by nature. And when there are consistent time constraints, order is even more elusive. I’ve sought help. In the past with therapists… tell me, doctor, how do I put and keep structure in my life? Those conversations helped some. It’s actually not that i don’t have a good organizational sense, it’s just not my go to. Far greater help was a person who helps me clean and sort. Oh, sweet Sarajane, what a treasure you are. I revel in the order you bring, I search for more and then… miracle of miracles, you come back. And when other things aren’t working easily, there’s space in my life. So yesterday, when things were spiraling, a quick dose of dump, sort and fold reorganized my closet shelves and made my bedroom welcoming.
And then I went to church where a group of people were preparing for today’s memorial potluck. Sweet companionship. Setting up tables. Pulling out my wedding table cloths (almost 6 years old, still giving pleasure). Folding the hymn sheets to go in the programs. Chatting. About Jean. About the church. About nothing in particular. Laughing. And just being company when everyone’s hearts are a tad sore. A place for me to be comforted as well as to comfort. Mourning has a rhythm all its own. You sometimes have to sit down and listen very closely to find it.
And then to end the day, the arrival of sweet friends and the opportunity to sit in community and listen to great music. Darling Drummer was in another town playing for dancing, so the comfort of knowing he was happy and making others happy. And the joy that there are plenty of other people around to keep the music going. And this, my friends, is how you fill up, how you strengthen yourself for the work to be done.
Peace is often in the community. Living la vida local helps you be a part of the community. You know your neighbors. And they know you. Yesterday, there was a simple showing up, stepping up. Today, there’s a service and a potluck. Tomorrow, there’s a place to heal, watched over by friends.